If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
