I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
