Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
