Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
