i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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