Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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