I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
