ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
