i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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