Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
