I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
