Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
