It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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