she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think people are normalizing furries
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
