he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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