What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize