The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm sobbing to NWA
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
