God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
