I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
