You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
