So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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