i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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