...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
