marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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