I faked an abortion last night.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
