He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
