I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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