someone threw a dead crab at me
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
