i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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