he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
