so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
