Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
tell me about the eggs
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