Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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