FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
