The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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