ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just want nice things and good sex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
