Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
