How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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