With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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