butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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