If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
