anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
