Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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