woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
