That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
