I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
