I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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