I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize