O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
