I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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