Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
