I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
