"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
