Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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