Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
