hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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