He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
