The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
