apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
