i was born a porn star she said
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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