It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
