I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
