I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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