Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
