When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
