Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
