She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I need moral support for this bender
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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