I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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