first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
