he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
