If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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