I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
