Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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